eenie MEANie moe

For the longest time, I've noticed that there are certain people who either haven't heard about the line "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all" or they simply just don't like this saying. This is particularly applicable to two general groups:


A. Those we haven't seen in a long time such as classmates, former co-workers and distant relatives 
B. People we see on a regular basis, like co-workers and neighbors. 


When a compliment eludes their brains and a simple hi or hello just won't suffice and keeping their mouths shut is not an option, these people tend to resort to pointing out the negative and/or the obvious about us, no matter how fine, normal and/or fabulous we look. Example: You've gained weight, You've lost weight, Your hair is dry, You're too dark, You're too pale, Your outfit is too flashy, Your outfit is too dull, etc. 


(An exception of course is when a booger is hanging right outside our noses or a piece of broccoli is stuck on our teeth. I would point out such things to the affected party!)


Anyhoo, the point of this post is not because I care what they say. Words and stuff usually don't affect me especially if I don't give a shit about the person saying or doing them. The point of this post is just me wanting to say the following:


If you can't say something nice at all, then be prepared for a mean retort.


Examples:


Distant Relative: Oi, tambuka na nimo oi kabuthonon na man ka! (Hey, you're so fat that you're about to burst!)
Reply: Ikaw murag kamatyonon na man ka oi! Unsa imong sakit? (And you look like you're about to die! OMG! What's the diagnosis?)


Classmate: Na unsa na man na imong buhok oi? Kalkag kaayo! (What's wrong with your hair? It looks soo disheveled!)
Reply: Ikaw kay mao ra gyud gihapun imong histura ay... Tsk, tsk, tsk! (And you look exactly the same... Tsk, tsk, tsk!) - say this with a shake of the head and a pitying look. 


Other Examples of Replies:

• Ikaw pud. (You too)
• Di ba na priso ka? (Were you in prison?)
• Hala, na unsa na imong nawng? (What's wrong with your face?)
• Murag naa lagi gamay nga sayop sa imong retoke. (Something's a bit off with your plastic surgery)
• Mura lagig wa ka naligo ron. (It seems like you haven't showered)